Fights….. how to win them
September 12th 2006 09:50
Screaming matches, quarrels or lover’s tiffs. Fighting within a romantic relationship is as common as a fat person shopping at K-Mart. Infact, it’s often when you’re not fighting with your lover that you really have something to worry about.
But how do you make sure you come out on top in every spat?
Follow Madam Minx's simple steps to speed-argue your way to great make-up sex
1. Put down the plate/ vase/ toaster (dont worry honey, everyone likes a firecracker
2. Don’t name call- calling your mate the spawn of satan/ harpie from hell will not amount to anything other than your luggage conveniently dumped in the middle of the street.
3. Get to the heart of the problem- don’t dance around the fact that he gave your sister Chlamydia or that she lap danced your dad. You need to talk these things out
4. That being said, don’t dredge up the past. If you’re pissed because she didn’t take out the garbage… now is not the time to discuss her bad habit of leaving her underwear behind at your friends’ houses.
5. Don’t bandy around accusations.
Replace phrases like ‘you didn’t pick me up from the strippers when I was tanked.. you don’t care about me’
With ‘your forgetting pick me up… makes me feel like you don’t care about me’
Taking the emphasis off the other person stops them from feeling threatened and then acting defensively.
6. Last of all, a great technique to make them listen….just whisper. Talk so quietly that they are forced to stop ranting to hear you. This also works on squabbling children and midgets.
And a last resort for when you know you’re going to lose…just take your clothes off (this works especially well if your a women). It’s the adult equivalent of the bratty child who threw the chess board, pieces and all up, into the air when they knew they were going to lose the match.
But hey….if it works, more power to you!
But how do you make sure you come out on top in every spat?
Follow Madam Minx's simple steps to speed-argue your way to great make-up sex
1. Put down the plate/ vase/ toaster (dont worry honey, everyone likes a firecracker
2. Don’t name call- calling your mate the spawn of satan/ harpie from hell will not amount to anything other than your luggage conveniently dumped in the middle of the street.
4. That being said, don’t dredge up the past. If you’re pissed because she didn’t take out the garbage… now is not the time to discuss her bad habit of leaving her underwear behind at your friends’ houses.
5. Don’t bandy around accusations.
Replace phrases like ‘you didn’t pick me up from the strippers when I was tanked.. you don’t care about me’
With ‘your forgetting pick me up… makes me feel like you don’t care about me’
Taking the emphasis off the other person stops them from feeling threatened and then acting defensively.
6. Last of all, a great technique to make them listen….just whisper. Talk so quietly that they are forced to stop ranting to hear you. This also works on squabbling children and midgets.
And a last resort for when you know you’re going to lose…just take your clothes off (this works especially well if your a women). It’s the adult equivalent of the bratty child who threw the chess board, pieces and all up, into the air when they knew they were going to lose the match.
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Comment by Anonymous
Fantastic work! Love the blog!
I had no idea that whispering worked on midgets too. WOW, I'll have to use that the next time I find myself in a yelling match with a vertically challanged person.
Comment by Lozbox
Rants about the modern world
Comment by Madam Minx
Daters Anonymous